Day 23

Today I received this email:

*** This message was sent to students in ENGL 2600-001 ***

Dear class,

Our class and all conferences have been officially cancelled today because of a family tragedy. You will find a departmental notice on the door if you miss this email but I wanted to put your minds at ease about your papers. They will be due on Monday. They should be at least 6 pages now with this extra revision. Anyone who was not able to have a meeting with me will be given compassionate comments and the chance to revise. The rest of you will simply receive a letter grade. Go on with the Carter readings for your enjoyment and with an eye to creative class discussion. There will be no quiz. Your next paper will be # 3 on one of the plays we will read in the next module. Sorry for any inconvenience. Class will meet on Friday as usual.

PJ Carlisle

I was grateful for the reprieve, but I don't know what English major etiquette is. Should I express condolences for a tragedy the details of which I am ignorant? Should I remain silent and act as if nothing has happened? The real trouble is that my next contact with P.J. will be via email. Therefore, I can't just follow my classmates' lead.

Day 16

Friday there was a short class discussion and then the whole class went down to the library to watch the film version of Orlando. If I had known that I would've gone about patching up the glaring holes in my cover story a little bit differently. Luckily, P.J. tends to be a little forgetful. Maybe the whole thing will blow over.

Today we discussed the movie. I watched it this morning, just before coming to class. That meant that I had it fresh in mind and was able to comment ably, I thought. The discussion hit on some interesting points and I was happy to find that I am much more in-line with the English major mentality when it comes to films.1

We were also supposed to turn in our papers. As if to further push my luck, I didn't have mine. Oh, it was written alright, but I hadn't been able to print it. P.J. let me run to the lab and meet her at her office. She was rushing off, so we walked out of the building together and I strove to placate any lingering doubts as to my quality2 as a student. She was kind. If only I were sure she was putting my face with my name and my assignments.

NOTES:
1- But that probably just means that the English majors aren't very sophisticated in their film critiques.
2- and authenticity...

Day 15

Today I endangered the mission in a manner altogether unacceptable.

Day 14

We received our essay questions today to prepare for our exam next week.1 There are five questions. He will give us four, we will choose two.

I used my free time on Tuesday to get caught up on the reading so I was prepared for class. Unfortunately, the tangential nature of the class reared its ugly head and we spent a good deal of the class discuss the nature and role of the rebel in our modern society and the societies of Beowulf and The Canterbury Tales. This I had not prepared comments on. I still remain too anonymous for my own comfort. In the one class I am almost too conspicuous and this one I've never exchanged words with the professor.

We discussed the reversion from a literate culture to a culture of the image and our accented voice proposed a number of conspiracy theories, none of which I am at liberty to comment on.

After the break we continued to contrast the author of The Canterbury Tales with the narrator. I had considered the Wife of Bath to be a purely comical character, but now I can see where Chaucer seems to revere her. I admit to being a little sleepy as I read and not quite catching all the details of dress in the General Prologue. All in all, every day in this class I am reminded that my mind does not work in the same way as an English major's so I must continually be alert and on my guard.
Where should I see conspiracy and degradation? Where should I rise above my culture and where conform to it? I have only a year to answer these questions.

NOTE:
1- This will be a busy weekend with watching Orlando, writing the Orlando paper and preparing five essays. "This is not a drill, soldier."

Day 13

Today I arrived early to class and was able to participate in moving the desks into a circle. This seems to create a feeling of friendship among the students.

I sat down and the class trickled in. P.J. forgot my name again, but gave me back my Choose Your Own Adventure enraptured. I told her I had a copy and she kept hers. She then proceeded to pass it around the class for all to see. I tried to play down my annoyance at being made so conspicuous and hoped everyone else had forgotten my name too. I'll have to lay low for a while so people don't start picking me out. Crucial is my ability to remain a bland face in the crowd. Still, it can't be a bad thing to impress your professor unwittingly.

As it turns out, class yesterday was, in fact, cancelled. However, the trail of the underground English majors does not end there. Two girls in my class said knowingly to one another (unaware that I was paying keen attention to their conversation), "That was nice to have three free hours yesterday." There's something fishy there. Somehow they have rigged the classes. What does that "free" mean? Is there some kind of monetary exchange involved? Why are there only girls in this group?

The papers are to be at least four pages long.1 We will turn them in on Monday. We are supposed to be reading more about how to write, but the discussion no longer takes the secondary text into account. I'm formulating my ideas for my paper, but what with the upcoming convention and my required attendance at yet another debriefing, I'm not sure how much time I will have to devote to it.

We are also supposed to watch the film version of Orlando by Monday.

P.J. is admittedly giving us insider information. Today she gave us the secret list of departmental terms that professors will look for in our papers.

NOTE:
1- She keeps saying "The longer the better. If you go on to five or six pages, I'll just get more impressed." This is interesting because most of my English majors have spoken of professors as being strict about not going over the length and the difficulty of getting everything into a concise 4 page paper.

Day 12

I was coming in to the MBH (Milton Bennion Hall)1 a few minutes after eight. As I turned to head up the stairs a helpful blonde girl stopped me and asked if I were in "Matheson's" class. I indicated in the affirmative and she told me that class was cancelled.
"He has the flu. I just didn't want you to have to go all the way up there."

When someone says this to you, you have to thank them and walk back outside with them. There is no other option. Imagine what would happen if you said, "I'll think I'll just go see for myself."

But there was something funny about her. Why would class be cancelled? It's got to be some kind of ploy to sabotage the mission. By now I think I've spent enough time in the library2 to dispel any suspicions that I'm on to her. I'll just head up there and see for myself. I had heard about these underground groups, but I had no idea their counterespionage was so sophisticated. A lesser agent would never have spotted her.

NOTES:
1- Incidentally, my grandfather used to have an office in the MBH. He was a professor of educational psychology.
At least that was his cover.
2- Ostensibly paying tuition and taking care of other personal matters. I even have my IT guy in Denmark pretending to chat with me. But I think I lost her.

Day 11

I tried to cover the fact that I was coming in late due to an untimely debriefing by walking in on the heels of the 18 year old.
I think P.J. was more annoyed than suspicious.

Having missed the first part of the lecture, I had to piece together what was going on. From what I could make out she was taking us systematically through the book, start to finish, and pointing out things she thought were interesting and could guide us in our quest for a paper topic.1

Our assignment is to finish the book and begin work on our paper.2 Despite the openness she has fostered in our discussions, she cautioned us to adhere to one idea and one reading of the text as we begin to indite them.

The memorial day break will give me a chance to familiarize myself with the text and orient myself towards the English major ideas espoused in class.

NOTES:
1- We made it about half-way through before I realized class was over and I was once again down to the wire and racing to elude the paid assassins who continually pursue me.
2- Once again I find my mettle being tested. No half-page of half-baked ideas will suffice here. No colorful mobile will distract her from a lack of content. A legitimate 4-5 page paper ("I prefer longer."), my first as an English major.

Day 10

Today we were informed that rather than a literary history course, as we had assumed, we had actually enrolled in a course on remarkable women.
It's not that I mind, I just didn't come here to sort out mutinous professors defying the department for their own agenda.
I could do that, but it wasn't my original intent.

Marie de France. The lover of love. It didn't take me too long to read it, but, what with making arrangements for a reconnaissance mission to Italy, sorting out the details of collusion gone bad and... napping, I didn't get into bed until 3:30, which left me a good three hours of sleep.1

Our new voice is boosting the camaraderie on my side of the room. Not to mention the linguistic tangent of today. Smiles and headshakes all around. I'm growing a fondness for the fauxhawk in front of me.2 He got quite a kick out of many comments today and turned to find someone to share it with. I couldn't make out who he was trying to alert, if anyone.

The old English major was late today. Traffic? She was very sorry to have missed the tangent; I apologized for not having taken notes.

Chaucer next week and then an exam.3

NOTES:
1- The rigors of my day job.
2- Not of the hairstyle (shiver) but of the wearer.
3- My first real test. If I can pass an exam, I may be able to cut it out here. If not, I may be in over my head.

Day 9

Again I didn't pick up on what everyone else did.1 We're discussing Orlando. It's an interesting read. However, it opens up the "battle of the sexes" which bores me. We talk about the passage of time, reliability of the narrator, inconsistency, duality, and so on. Sometimes I can put myself in the discussion2, other times I sit out. She remembered my name today, which I count as a great success.

Unlike in 3701, the discussion is pretty well distributed. It's a smaller class, but more people want to speak up. I have not yet drawn conclusions about this.


NOTES:
1- Luckily I won't have to turn in "talking points" anymore. I'm much better at responding than initiating. I can think on my feet and make something up to go along with what someone else has said, but until I get the English major brain, coming up with topics from nothing is a pain. (Check it. A poem.)
2- I have to admit I like the 18 year old's comment about the oak tree becoming a symbol (or metaphor or metonymy?) for Orlando. Especially in conjunction with the idea that he only keeps the childhood poem entitled The Oak Tree: a poem which he then writes, rewrites and unwrites. Perhaps I can devise an intelligent comment on the idea that he is deconstructing and recreating his life culminating in his transformation into a woman. I'll get the tech people to work on it.

Day 8

More Beowulf. The whispering girl came up to me during the break and said something about falling asleep.1 Then she went off on a tirade about religion and how people should not force their beliefs on her because she's not Christian, "I'm not either." piped up the girl behind me, which garnered a high five. We talked about how long the class was and how her "anthro" class never went longer than an hour and a half.

A new voice is emerging. I can't see her because she sits in the far front corner, but she has an accent. She was a large part of the discussion today. Then there's the liberal girls, the conservative big guys in the back and the Christian hippy older English major. A few others make scattered comments.2

NOTES:
1- I was NOT asleep. She was bragging about how she had pulled her hair in front of her eyes so D...Professor Matheson wouldn't be able to tell. I did close my eyes for effect a few times, you don't want to seem too interested, unless you're a discussion dominator, which, in my efforts to remain incognito, I avoid, but I wasn't asleep. I have to stay on my toes.
2- I have not commented as yet. That must soon be rectified. I'll work on something for Marie de France.

Day 7

I didn't write the Choose Your Own Adventure. I started it and I think I will still finish it.

Today was another discussion day, but it was much quieter. People continue to drop the class.1 We have begun Orlando by Virginia Woolf. I enjoy it. I can read through it quickly. I don't have the English major knack of picking up on motifs from page one, but the daily assignments and discussions are doing their job and hopefully I'll catch on quickly.2
The 18 year old is pretty funny and kept his comments to insightful today. The older English major felt like criticizing Woolf. This is ok, but shocks my public school education.
We're struggling with names. I know a few. Tamara sat next to me again and bravely killed the spider I was afraid of without my even having to be obvious about it.
I can't remember her name but I had my first after class heart to heart with an English major (English and Communications double major, I mean.) I tried not to seem aloof while withholding the fact that I really like our professor. I told her that the professor had done me a favor and I was predisposed in her favor. I hope that wasn't too transparent.
There was a guy standing around as class began. He seemed to be listening interestedly to the pre-class conversation, but wouldn't sit down. When P.J. came in there were whispered words and he left. What could this mean?

NOTES:
1- I hope that they are dropping the class because they aren't coming and as soon as you miss three classes you can't get better than a C. As part of my mission I have to graduate with honors. Nothing less than an A (i.e. not even an A-) will suffice in any of my 11 classes.
2- I made a great effort to write in my book. Now that I know what to look for I will have to re-read and re-mark.

Day 6

We were supposed to come up with some kind of organizational tool based on our text. But I may have taken the "creative" portion of our creative assignment too seriously.
I made a mobile. I was wrong.
She said, "I think I'm just gonna look at it and let you take it with you." Everyone else stuck to lists and web diagrams. Maybe I'll write a Choose Your Own Adventure for Monday.1

Today was just lecture so I don't have many observations of students. But a class dynamic is beginning to evolve.
We sit in a large square circle of desks. P.J. sits at a bigger desk at the front. Today she offered to have someone take really good notes for the ADA and $50. Two people volunteered and others expressed willingness.2 She offered to let them "duke it out" in the middle of the "ring". Illinois latched on to this (it's a good thing he's funny) and would periodically refer to it. Like when his pen fell into the circle and no one dared to pick it up (in all fairness, the desks are pretty tight and it would be just as noisy, distracting and difficult for any one else to retrieve the pen as it would be for him) and P.J.3 ended up getting because he "didn't dare to break the circle".

I'm finding that this brainwashing class will be a useful tool for me. It really is a class on how to be an English major.

Quotes from today:
"'explication' That's a big word in our field."
"[you can talk about symbolism if you really want to, but you'll have to be more]...contingent and savvy in your language."

NOTES:
1- She did say we could turn them in on Monday if we weren't satisfied or wanted to make changes based on the lecture.
2- It was Ken the older English major who got the job. This could become crucial information.
3- I really struggle to call her "P.J." It's what she asked for, which makes it easier than "Professor Matheson", but it feels funny.

Day 5

I was late again. But I wasn't the only one. Luckily, starting Tuesday, class won't begin until 8:15.
I discovered a fatal mistake which I will soon need to rectify: I accidentally clicked 7th edition instead of 8th. I was uberconspicuous.
I had nothing to say as I hadn't started Beowulf.1 Although, I have to say now, it was much more interesting than when I read and discussed Beowulf in high school.
I am beginning to see why people like Dr...Professor2 Matheson so much. He really is nice, and smart. He puts his foot up to his knee like a stork and makes an interestingly high pitched grunt3 of excitement at crucial times during the lecture.
We took the full three hours, with a short intermission.
I'm beginning to break into the camaraderie, if only I can keep it up. I didn't talk to Darrell again because he sat way over on the other side of the room.
I figured out why he changed seats: I sat in the same area that he did before and the air conditioning cranked at full power blows right on your neck. No wonder he complained that it was too cold. Luckily, I made my discomfort obvious and the girls behind me turned it off.
English major girls have a very interesting way of whispering. I noticed it with the girls who turned off the AC for me and then again with the girl sitting next to me who felt it her bounded duty to discover who had carelessly let their phone fall to the ground. (She would also periodically wake up and tell us quietly how many more minutes were left in class. "40." "15.") They don't whisper so much as pointedly mouth things at you. It makes me uncomfortable even though I know they're trying to be nice.
I fell in love with my first English major. I couldn't help myself. When I told her she looked lovely, she returned the compliment (NOTE: not showering is OK, I guess.) and I told her where the bathroom was.

NOTES:
1- Perhaps I should refrain from staying up until 2:30 while I'm on duty.
2- Scott says they never call anyone "Dr." This is difficult for me, but I want to fit in.
3- This may be an oxymoron, but you try to describe it. It's weird. Endearing, but weird. Murmur? Hum? Squeak?

Day 4

My decision to type my assignment at the last minute turned out to be a good one, even though the line at the printer in the lab made me late.
I'm not in line with the English major mentality. Not that in general I would care, but I don't want to be marked from the beginning as an outsider. Everyone was commenting on the personal connection and the definitions of 'classic' and 'truth'. I commented on the scientific method.
I tried to make it tie-in to cover my tracks, and, indeed, Ken the older English major liked my point. But everyone else just paused and moved on. Luckily, Sean the 18 year old made the biggest scene by never shutting up and "rankling" some people so hopefully no one will remember my original thinking.
P.J. (as we have been instructed to call our professor) switched from 'fun' to 'pleasure' and 'pleasureable' to describe the class and the je ne sais quois of English majordom.
"there has to be something in your brain... it's like a game."

Day 3

I was late. But not too late.
Dr. Matheson. He's a big name. Many of my sources speak very highly of him.
I didn't get a good look around at the class. It's bigger. Some repeats from yesterday. More older people.
We talked about the history of the English language. It was difficult for me to stay in cover. I'm predisposed to like professors, especially those with such a good reputation, but it bothered me that he kept saying that the history of the English language is moving from complexity to simplicity. I'm sure it will serve some pedagogical purpose, I could tell he actually did know what he was talking about, and I know it doesn't matter to a study of literature that where one aspect simplifies, another gets more complex, but I still didn't like to think that all those students were thinking they understood the evolution of the English language after a 20 minute overview. I guess I'm living up to my own stereotype.
But I didn't say anything and we moved to the syllabus.
I may have made a friend. His name might be Darrell and we shared a frustration with the vending machine during the five minute break.
The 8-11 AM class ended before 9:45.

Day 2

First day of class. [Until June 21, I will have one class each day. Tuesdays and Thursdays I will attend the Introduction to Literary History Part 1 (Henceforth to be referred to as "3701"). Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I will have Critical Introduction to Literary Forms. (They call this "2600". We call it the brainwashing class.)]

2600 is a pre-requisite for most English classes and all required courses.
When asked, English majors are vague about what they learn, "there was a lot of talking". For this reason I call it the brainwashing class. No one can tell me what it's about, but that it "prepares" you. Scott called it "fun".

Quotes from my professor:
"...so you can sound really smart."
"...to prepare you...for the rest of your classes."
"...it looks smarter and nerdier. I like it better."
"...a heuristic for getting A's."
"...use critical language..."
"...1/2 a page. But if you get carried away and write a whole page, I'll just be impressed and think you're really smart."
"... I think [it] is going to be fun."
"This class will be a lot of fun."
"...it's really fun. Dark, but really fun."

In an attempt to remain objective as an observer I will refrain at this point from character sketches and just give you the statistics:

• Beards: 2 (1 too long, 1 "scruffy")
• "Old" English majors: 3
• Purses without backpack or other book carrying device: 5-6
• Messenger bags: 2
• Computers instead of notebooks: 2
• Overly proud out of staters: 2 (Louisiana, Illinois)
• Foreign students: 3 (Fatima- Iraq, Arsen- Russia, Helene- didn't mention it. Why didn't she mention it? Obvious accent.)
• *Potential Spanish speakers: 3

(Statistics may be revised as the actual class becomes solidified and books are required.)



*for my own information only and not pertinent to the investigation

Day 1

Today was my first day on the job. I wasn't fully undercover or doing any real work, but if anyone had asked I would've had to play the part.
Today is Friday and classes begin Monday. The logistics of completing the requirements for a BA in English at the University of Utah within one year require that I start my classes in the summer. We also decided that the summer provided an opportunity for me to make an inconspicuous entrance into the program.

This morning, knowing it would be the day I performed my first act as an (undeclared) English major, I dressed carefully. I wore a skirt, but made sure it was bohemian enough to be believable. I straightened my hair, but just enough so it was messy, but just messy enough for it to look like I didn't care what it looked like. I was studiously unstudied.
I went to the library first. I love the library. It was a glorious day.1
I took care of various errands and pulled up my schedule. I didn't know if an English major would want to hold their books as soon as possible, but my expense account is limited. I did some price comparisons and with just a little finagling had my books shipped in two days for free. I did, however, save two books for the bookstore.
I couldn't make up my mind if it would be more English majorly-like to go, as I was, on a weekend when I wouldn't be seen with the common-folk in the mundane and terribly unromantic bookstore or if it would be better to wait until after classes started so I wouldn't seem too overeager about school. Or perhaps I should want to be seen?2 Still, whichever would've been more fitting, going when the place was deserted was probably for the best.
I confess a secret love for that unromantic bookstore. There are many unsavory aspects, to be sure, but it's kind of a little land of opportunity. I used to shop for classes by looking through the required books. As usual I stopped to peruse the languages section, and wandered into the upper division English courses. I had to stop myself and giggle as I realized that for the first time I wasn't looking for the 'L"s and that not only did I have reason to look through the books on the English shelves but that I would actually be buying them. I must have looked like a loon as I danced and giggled my way around the textbook section. I really need to be more careful. I could've blown my cover.
I wasn't the only person there, however. I met my first English major as an English major. He knocked over a stack of Northanger Abbeys. I helped pick them up as he explained that he was looking for a used copy that hadn't been written-in since other people's thoughts can be so distracting. That made me laugh and he seemed like one of those older English majors that I have been warned about3 so I didn't let on that I would also be taking the Literary History 2 course during the second session of the summer semester.4
The cashier didn't bat an eye. I was slightly disappointed, but I solaced myself with the thought that I was only buying two small books and neither was very exciting, even to me.
As I left the bookstore I realized I should probably replace my backpack with something more artistic. It occurred to me that carrying a bright orange and black backpack instead of a messenger bag might give me aways as not being intellectually stimulated enough to want to appear intellectually stimulating. If I am to be accepted into their world and their inner circle, I must have something to offer them.5 On the other hand, the BYUers in Spain used to say it could pass as being European... It should last me at least until the end of the summer.
I had some civilian duties to attend to so I decided on lunch as a conclusion to the scouting mission.
At first I thought of the Pie, after all, the first time I ever went there I was meeting an English major. But without change for a meter I decided that my mysterious and confident solitude and my thoughtful scribbling in a composition notebook would be put to better use on a day when there would be other students to witness it. So I took myself to Sugarhouse as I assumed an English major would. I listened to Coldplay, Bloc Party, The Velvet Underground, and Final Fantasy6 and I was feeling pretty good. I didn't stay at the restaurant and it was just as well; the sneaking disguise posters and talk of secret agents made me worry that people were on to me. Get in. Get out. It's always safest. I guess we'll never know if the guy with a slight accent who let me go ahead in line was with his girlfriend or his sister.7


NOTES:
1- I'm going to have to curb the urge to sing loudly as I walk around campus. At least when I'm around the other English majors. I'll also have to stop smiling at people. Unless it's an ironic, intriguing, perceptive and slightly disdainful smile.
2- I'm still working on the persona. This summer will have to be a crash course before the real test of fall semester begins.
3- All of my sources in the English department (henceforth to be referred to as 'my English majors') have told me about the 'older English major' and described him as if he is an unheard-of phenomenon. Are my English majors self-absorbed or just ignorant?
4- I need to get the numbers down. These people spout off numbers so fast you'd think they were math majors and I'm always at a loss. It'll be a dead giveaway for sure. Brain washing= 2600, Literary History 1= 3701, Literary History 2= 3702. Now I just need to work on the classes I still need to take so I can make small talk.
5- Being happy and content is not what they are looking for. Perhaps just for this summer I can carry-on and pass myself off as the eccentric free spirit I always feel in the warm sunshine of summer. Once winter returns I can settle in for dark and brooding and truly come to be appreciated and revered by this new culture.
6- I'm not so worried about the music. Most of it either came from or is in accordance with my English major music guru. I'm sure there are things that I'll have to eliminate, at least from easy observation. Probably the happy music. I'll try to devise a way to ask him which things expose me as an outsider without explaining the whole mission to him. Eventually I'll have to give him, as well as my other sources, some kind of explanation as he could easily compromise my position. The one flaw is the number of people who already know me. I have spent the past few years building up contacts on the inside, but too many of them know me too well. Also, I suppose, eventually, I will have to get myself an ipod.
7- Sometimes I wish I could be more of a Mata Hari. But even if my physical appearance made that an option, my unattached status is relatively crucial to my observations.

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